rest in peace, my precious..

I dont know how should i start, to say that we've lost our precious,
Our baby that we've been waiting for so long.
Our 1st kid.
Our bunch of happiness, out of all the misery that world could put us into.
Many people didn't know that we're expecting, next that they know was we lost our baby.


Kadand-kadang orang cuba untuk comfort kan kita, supaya bersabar, supaya lihat hikmah di sebalik kejadian. Tapi aku tak boleh menerima bila orang berkata 'jangan sedih sangat..insyaAllah lepas ni ada rezeki lagi..'
What?
Nak dapatkan yang seorang ni pun bermacam usaha.
Perasaan kehilangan ni hanya kalau pernah mengalami je yang akan memahami.. hilang baby bukan macam hilang purse, hilang boyfriend.. ini anak yg ada dalam perut dari sekecil2 zarah hingga besar, dia dalam perut kau. Anak yang sepatutnya kau besarkan 9 bulan dlm perut tiba2 keluar sebelum waktu.
Yang kau dapat pegang bukan pipi comel,jari halus tp hanyalah ketulan daging yang masih membentuk dan kantung bayi. Sejuta kali cuba pun kau tak dapat masukkan dia kembali ke tempat dia berlindung. Sebagai mak, kau hanya mampu lihat dan menangis sebab tak mampu buat apa2 untuk baby. Worse is, kau kena meneran keluar cebisan2 daging yag sepatutnya jadi anak kau.
Payah nak cakap, rasanya kalau jadi dekat diri sendiri baru tahu kot macam mana rasa nak bagi kaki je dekat orang yang asyik cakap jangan sedih, lepas ni have another one bla bla..

Aku tahu Allah pinjamkan our 1st baby hanya sekejap, walaupun sekejap tp cukup membahagiakan. aku redha tapi itu tak bermakna sebagai mak aku tak boleh bersedih.
The pregnancy was easy, mirza didn't give me any morning sickness.  Yes we decided to call our 1st born as mirza, means anak yang baik.We was looking forward next ultrasound to see the heartbeat, tapi rupanya Allah lebih sayang dia. We could come with thousand possibilities on what had went wrong that made we lost our precious on the very night. Yet nothing good will come our of it, just a wise lesson for future.

Semoga ada rezeki kami berjumpa lagi di alam sana... mirza dah ada heartbeat...dia mesti kenal ibu bapanya....

Confession: Trying to Conceive.

salam.

hi. every married man and woman would have always want this.

get conceived.

to hold your own baby in your arm... nothing can compare.

lucky couple would have gotten conceived first few months after getting married. the rest would need to wait for the right time.

being married made me realize through out my life i actually have control on most of the thing. and being pregnant is one of the thing that not in my control. its all God's plan.

after a year of marriage, my spouse and I have been bombarded with many questions of the same meaning.

-- when we will be pregnant.?

some can be cruel by saying things that would indicate something is wrong with us, and start suggesting things to eat.

while the others will try to soothe by saying "nanti2 ade la rezeki".

after a while, i start to be numb. showing no interest of other people's pregnancy. 

and only show my true emotion to my dear husband. and because of that, some people thinks that im okay for not having baby.

so much so we want to get conceived, we also need to be realistic. 

we're on long distance marriage. and trust me, long distance marriage to a military man is nothing similar to other government servant.

and i can't simply quit my career to live with my husband, as i have my own financial commitment.

even though i realize its all about finding the right time, (after getting married, i have mastered the period cycle and such)  i start to feel anxious too. is something wrong with me? 

and we took major decision in our life. decision that i believe majority of the couples would not dare to go through.

what is it?

im going to share with you, if only its needed.

if only this would help married woman with same situation with me would want to know.

note: this is a topic that most of us would not want people to know. 

however, i share my feeling as i want u to know, that if u're in the same situation as i am... you're not alone.

How to Maintain a Long Distance Marriage.

Marriage is a challenging relationship. Being apart physically makes a marriage even more challenging.

Time Required: Varies

Here's How:

1. The key, as it is in all relationships, is communication. Keep the lines of communication open on a daily basis.
2. Being committed to one another and truly believing that your spouse belives in the marriage commitment is vital.
3. A long distance marriage will fail if there is a lack of trust between the partners.
4. Although you are apart from one another, make time for one another. You can do this by sending a letter, an email, writing in a journal, day dreaming about your spouse, or having an icq or chat conversation.
5. Share your expectations about being apart from one another. Also share your expectations when you are close to being together again.
6. Be honest about your concerns and fears about your separation.
7. Try to daily dialogue with each other.
8. Keep a daily journal.
9. Give one another a scented pillow case or shirt to help keep your presence with them.
10. Plan a trip or some fun activity to do when the two of you are back together.
11. Use online communication to send emails, electronic cards, pictures, music, poems, and stories.
12. Use icq or other instant messaging services.
13. Camcorders can be great for being able to see one another or your children.
14. Play online games together.
15. Surprise each other once in a while with a phone call. Send care packages to each other now and then.

    Tips:

    1. Don't assume that infidelity will occur because of your physical separation. Most long distance marriages do not have to deal with this heartache because of the love and commitment the spouses feel for one another.
    2. Since you can't read one another's non-verbal communication, use symbols or words or happy faces to describe your thoughts better.
    3. When you are back together, don't rush into getting things done around the house right away. Allow the returning spouse to have some time to adjust to being back home.

    What You Need:

• Commitment
• Communication
• Sense of Humor
• Trust

source: marriage.com

wedding and navy's sword barrel.

hi. lamanya tak menulis. wah dah dekat 5 bulan.
dah sampai wedding anniversary dah pun. wah dah setahun?? hee.
sibuk sangat di tempat kerja sekarang ni, bila balik rumah pula rasa nak rehat saja.

anyway, sebelum raya haritu i've went to an army + navy's wedding, who happened to be my husband's good friend during university. Kapten Baizura and Leftenan Arif
what's the differences navy's sword barrel and army's??
 it is the attire. he he. selama ni pergi yang army aje, kali ni nampak lain sikit.

 najib was so happy jumpa kawan-kawan.

 and i finally met with Rose and husband. :)

bride and groom. 

wedding location : malacca.

bridegroom's side.

...and all i gain in one year is more kilogram. so obvious. well. ~

Dear Military's Partner...

since i have already deactivated my Facebook Page, nothing much change. i thought it will be hard, surprisingly it isn't!  ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
i keep in touch with family members through phone, what's app and blackberry messenger. adequate. back to the basic of the technology.
however. however i realized the hurdle of deactivating the profile, besides the difficulty keep tracking to my parcel of online shop (hehehe..) is the difficulty in connecting and keep updating with other military's partner.

i've known many, since the first they've created the military's doves page.
and i have been with few of the ladies from the time all of us were in a relationship, until we're engaged and finally hold hand in the sacred marriage.  the laugh, the tears, are the things that incomparable with anything. fortunately for some of the ladies i have them in the instant messaging system (bbm or whatsapp), and even been seeing each other outside.
while the rest, i lost connection completely.. somehow i wish i can still hear from the ladies, so i hope maybe if you're reading this u can drop me your blog's link, or maybe on instant messaging system.

however for those who recently gotten married and i missed the ceremony, CONGRATULATION and welcome to MARRIED LIFE! :)
do leave link to your photos i would love to see it! :)






note: i have been meaning to write about my journey to the wedding day but so far i haven't fully succeed. we only held a very simple ceremony, with only fundamental things required for a wedding and with a small amount of budget comparing to others. hence i don't feel it is wise to share much as it might not be applicable to some.

fought myself not to cry when i read and see this..

Story behind this? 
Her dad was leaving on a 2 year deployment. She was crying, and wouldn’t let go of her dad’s hand, even when he stood in line, saluting. No one had the heart to break them apart. 
+_+

Mencuba apa rasanya menjadi tentera.!

heheheh tidak lah sampai pergi berkawad atau pun ikut PT pagi-pagi hari. itu semua masih belum mampu untuk cuba. :p
Food ration Najib lebihan dari exercise yang lepas. rasa macam pelarian pula bila tengok bertulis Makanan Kerajaan Malaysia. tapi rasa seronok sebab yeay saya orang malaysia jadi kerajaan bagi makanan!! heheh.
ada paket makanan sedia masak, teh, gula, jem, biskut, mancis pun ada!
setakat ni, masih belum cuba makanan paket tu... baru je cuba biskut dan jem nenas. jem nenas masih sedap macam dulu. masih ingat lagi zaman kanak-kanak dulu sangat suka jem ni, pernah juga dapat ni sebab ada saudara berikan.
tapiiii biskut nya oo mak ai kerasnya! macam nak patah gigi ni. tak tahu macam mana tentera boleh makan. +_+


p.s.